Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (951)

Last Night in California (951)

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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.

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(951): Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor. http://tfl.nu/e2p4

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So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.

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dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?

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(951): So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito. (909): dude... how have they not drug tested you yet? http://tfl.nu/fx38

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Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".

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(951): Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try". http://tfl.nu/107g

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i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..

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u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!

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i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u

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(661): i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break.. (951): u hav a 3 hour lunch break?! (661): i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u http://tfl.nu/1ary

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My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?

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(951): My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate? http://tfl.nu/77q7

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This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.

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(951): This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago. http://tfl.nu/53yc

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better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???

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(951): better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life??? http://tfl.nu/fjyx

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what is college for if not random hookup sex?

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learning.

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i would literally fuck learning if i could.

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(209): what is college for if not random hookup sex? (951): learning. (209): i would literally fuck learning if i could. http://tfl.nu/3rtk

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There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.

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(951): There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS. http://tfl.nu/ppbc

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now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.

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(951): now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria. http://tfl.nu/9jm0

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so let's talk penis.

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(951): so let's talk penis. http://tfl.nu/oygv

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I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it

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(951): I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it http://tfl.nu/eb7i

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Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.

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(951): Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list. http://tfl.nu/idtu

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I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to

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(951): I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to http://tfl.nu/92t1

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As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it

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(951): As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it http://tfl.nu/zufl

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Last Night in California (951)

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