Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Nebraska (308)

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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.

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  (308): He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along. http://tfl.nu/kb7d
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  I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"

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  Stop drinking at work.

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  (402): I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit" (308): Stop drinking at work. http://tfl.nu/v2m5
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  is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...

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  (308): is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night... http://tfl.nu/up0o
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  Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?

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  i hate being the asshole.

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  (308): Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass? (1-308): i hate being the asshole. http://tfl.nu/40d3
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  this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous

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  (308): this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous http://tfl.nu/2tix
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  You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.

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  (308): You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants. http://tfl.nu/tdj1
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  Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.

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  (308): Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning. http://tfl.nu/konb
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  Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.

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  (308): Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar. http://tfl.nu/fw94
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  What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?

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  (308): What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts? http://tfl.nu/w182
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  Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?

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  Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.

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  (626): Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened? (308): Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex. http://tfl.nu/5y08
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  i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .

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  (308): i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj . http://tfl.nu/vtaw
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  Best friends brother. Beat that.

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  (308): Best friends brother. Beat that. http://tfl.nu/zx73
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  I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.

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  but it's kind of a high honor.

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  (308): I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly. (402): but it's kind of a high honor. http://tfl.nu/hn5k
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  whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.

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  (308): whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on. http://tfl.nu/zd9d
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  and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs

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  (308): and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs http://tfl.nu/sqwd
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