Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (252)

Last Night in North Carolina (252)

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We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.

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(252): We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault. http://tfl.nu/5n55

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Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.

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(252): Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips. http://tfl.nu/vfz4

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He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.

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(252): He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line. http://tfl.nu/pkvq

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If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.

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(252): If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech. http://tfl.nu/hajp

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i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.

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(252): i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no. http://tfl.nu/99ae

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See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket

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(252): See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket http://tfl.nu/0lhc

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I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.

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(252): I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard. http://tfl.nu/2lw3

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He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.

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(252): He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it. http://tfl.nu/4vqb

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She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.

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(252): She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices. http://tfl.nu/1715

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I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.

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(252): I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time. http://tfl.nu/viaw

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Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.

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(252): Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing. http://tfl.nu/p5zs

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I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"

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(252): I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong" http://tfl.nu/l3k0

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The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse

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(252): The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse http://tfl.nu/x8q4

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she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"

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(252): she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN" http://tfl.nu/vt0o

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Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.

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(252): Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws. http://tfl.nu/qwnl

Replies (12) Good night (1110) Bad night (667)

Last Night in North Carolina (252)

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