Texts From Last Night

Last Night in North Carolina (252)

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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?

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  (252): Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome? http://tfl.nu/vqed
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  I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone

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  (252): I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone http://tfl.nu/p73u
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  He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.

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  (252): He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm. http://tfl.nu/eaqz
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  He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..

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  (252): He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it.. http://tfl.nu/x7yt
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  Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder

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  (252): Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder http://tfl.nu/zp9e
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  after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?

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  (252): after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went? http://tfl.nu/cg2w
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  He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory

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  (252): He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory http://tfl.nu/jj42
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  OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.

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  (252): OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD. http://tfl.nu/ob5y
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  its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get

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  (252): its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get http://tfl.nu/sb3f
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  it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....

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  (252): it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby.... http://tfl.nu/2jxq
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  I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks

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  (252): I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks http://tfl.nu/dbvg
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  It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.

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  (252): It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there. http://tfl.nu/94gv
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  I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.

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  (252): I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real. http://tfl.nu/u784
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  My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.

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  (252): My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck. http://tfl.nu/s2z9
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  I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.

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  (252): I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME. http://tfl.nu/1mf6
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