Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (201)

Last Night in New Jersey (201)

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting

(978): View more from Massachusetts

In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you

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(201): Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting (978): In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you http://tfl.nu/ucjj

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.

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(201): I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me. http://tfl.nu/s5ef

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?

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(201): Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend? http://tfl.nu/yz0d

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(213): View more from California

Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.

(201): View more from New Jersey

... and if i was..

(213): View more from California

Fuck. You.

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(213): Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten. (201): ... and if i was.. (213): Fuck. You. http://tfl.nu/ty6i

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(201): View more from New Jersey

New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole

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(201): New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole http://tfl.nu/gxas

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.

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(201): I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe. http://tfl.nu/ihd3

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.

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(201): Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together. http://tfl.nu/7gqm

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player

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(201): Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player http://tfl.nu/qjie

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(201): View more from New Jersey

For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao

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(201): For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao http://tfl.nu/eyan

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds

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(201): Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds http://tfl.nu/y5n0

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(201): View more from New Jersey

All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched

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(201): All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched http://tfl.nu/r5ws

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(314): View more from Missouri

He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl

(201): View more from New Jersey

I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl

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(314): He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl (201): I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl http://tfl.nu/d4hf

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(201): View more from New Jersey

This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard

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(201): This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard http://tfl.nu/udfw

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(201): View more from New Jersey

We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?

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(201): We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend? http://tfl.nu/y0ae

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(201): View more from New Jersey

thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick

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(201): thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick http://tfl.nu/xnq8

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Last Night in New Jersey (201)

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