Texts From Last Night

Last Night in North Carolina (980)

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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?

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  (980): How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail? http://tfl.nu/xsa7
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  I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks

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  (980): I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks http://tfl.nu/h8ue
  Replies (29) Good night (779) Bad night (4782) Order T-Shirt
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  You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.

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  (980): You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls. http://tfl.nu/1jxr
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  I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?

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  (980): I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap? http://tfl.nu/ykcv
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  How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.

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  (980): How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv. http://tfl.nu/1i2g
  Replies (10) Good night (637) Bad night (1865) Order T-Shirt
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  He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong

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  And?

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  He melted the stem

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  (704): He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong (980): And? (704): He melted the stem http://tfl.nu/v50e
  Replies (7) Good night (713) Bad night (1737)
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.

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  (980): so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room. http://tfl.nu/bjdl
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  I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  oh, you finally did the dishes then?

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  No, bought new ones.

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  (980): I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight. (704): oh, you finally did the dishes then? (980): No, bought new ones. http://tfl.nu/21up
  Replies (48) Good night (7492) Bad night (1133)
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!

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  (980): I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!! http://tfl.nu/427k
  Replies (15) Good night (1823) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.

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  (980): It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire. http://tfl.nu/zb3d
  Replies (3) Good night (1951) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all

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  (980): you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all http://tfl.nu/ifyj
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  My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.

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  (980): My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less. http://tfl.nu/l7sw
  Replies (11) Good night (2575) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
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  Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"

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  (980): Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened" http://tfl.nu/41rs
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  after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape

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  (980): after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape http://tfl.nu/d3c4
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  when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.

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  (980): when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space. http://tfl.nu/ayzt
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