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Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
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