I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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