You don't have asthma, your pregnant
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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