a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
two words: eviction party
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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