She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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