I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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