you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have post one night stand depression
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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