He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize