I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
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the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
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I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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