The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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