I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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