somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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