i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
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He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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