I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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