Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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