my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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