Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
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I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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