i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
