"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
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don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
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do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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