If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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