your parents love me but you hate me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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