Your dad touched me again.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
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I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
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I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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