i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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