So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize