Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize