Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
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I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
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Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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