last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
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I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize