They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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