Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize