i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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