Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize