its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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