i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
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Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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