I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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