the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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