last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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