Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize