A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
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I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
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I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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