Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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