Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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