Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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