thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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