"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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