well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
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WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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