weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I met the friendliest cop last night
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize